Sulat.

A moment in my life while living far from home is the day I cannot describe myself
smiling while drowned in alcohol. Such a relief, my drunk image moved into a fresh shining face. I saw a message in my notebook from someone I least expect to ask how am I doing? That someone telling me to take care of myself while living in this far away place. Or that someone whom, in my hopes, still wants me to know he still cares after everything that had happened.

With just a short message, made my night feels like already a wonderful morning. But being away, led myself not expecting from that someone anymore though I know how good it feels but I have to wake up from the fantasy. I cannot sleep that night because his images appear each time I close my eyes. I silently pray, asking God to just bless this person. God knows how this person means so much to me. I admit and feel sorry that sometimes I don't trust God's future plans for the both of us. Hard to explain but I am afraid that if I let myself positive all the time, I might get disappointed.

After I made my long reply from that someone's message, I did not let it all leave to a desperate expectation. I put in mind that it's okay if he didn't continue answering to my reply, what matter is I'm glad he keeps me posted and he is interested about what's up with me right now. Again, God is playing such sweet games, here comes another reply from him. The same smile from my face appeared and I cannot hide it with denial. I did not question his explanations on why he didn't reply immediately (because of a busy schedule). I just felt good again and I cannot do anything to stop it or deprive the bliss I am having.

My journal. My 9th journal is HIM. I have a notebook to write him a letter about my life away from him, a life being single and a life away from my homeland. He doesn't have any idea about it, that's why I don't need to wait for a reply. Someday when the right time comes, he is the first person to read about my adventures. I smiled after writing the last line because I remember him telling me that he would love to hear my stories soon. And that last talk, was the day we decided to separate ways.

GITNA.

I think it is never good to be neutral. There are times that I thought it is the safest way to avoid a fight, being told that you are biased, or being hated by some people. But when you feel that you wanted to explode than to remain silent, you'll find out that you have your own side to protect you. That's the time you will be at peace.



I wanted to believe some people but I just realized you should learn first to observe things before you get yourself deceived by words. Know both sides even when the issue got stuck between a family member and an acquaintance. The truth not only lies with someone that you know the most, sometimes it lies from the people who know more.



I usually watch the TV series, The Mentalist. Aside from my head over heeled feelings for the protagonist, Patrick Jane (Mentalist) played by Simon Baker, I've learned how to activate the power of observation before concluding. Sometimes you'll be needing experiments and find out how it works on a thing or person. Apparently as you observe, you will get connections, you can get the main problem and sooner you can formulate recommendations. Hahaha sounds like General Science in High School and Undergraduate Study during College.

I've been observing people around me and yeah I can merely see the difference. I came up with the 4 W's (Who, What, When, Where, Why) and 1 H (how) questions. I can almost see the whole picture and what it has done to me, is to know where am I going to stand. It would be crappy if I should be satisfied with just an "I don't know about them" and be quiet. I think, It is okay to be quiet with an idea where your sides on. Loaded with such information is useless if you don't get a single thought to believe in.

Anyway it was just a unique thought I made after finding out some things I am ignorantly blinded. It made me shock but at least I can no longer feel stupid neglecting facts and actions. I can easily get suggestions for myself on how to move and how to react.